If I could only teach one concept to my clients who need support in healing with all the things, it would be the art of truly facing what is happening within them. We have so many layers of protection that keep us “safe” yet small and stuck. If you were in front of me my body would show you what I mean by scrunching up my shoulders and closing into a fetal position. Safety is key for survival, but we need to push just past that for healing and growth. Our default mode is to prioritize “Survive!” Tthank goodness! But we want more than just getting by alive. 

To face, confront, see, or address something, we have to be willing and reasonably prepared to feel the feelings and work through them. Therapy can be good for that- with the right approach and the right person. Yet there are a million other ways to learn how to face what’s going on inside. Meditation and journaling come immediately to mind. Just ways to observe yourself with just a little bit more objectivity. When you develop a sense of what you are ready to face and push gently past that, that’s the gold. 

The day I went to the hospital with my facial trauma after my mountain bike crash, I reached deep into my resliency toolbox and started my healing journey. I knew I could not look in the mirror. I practiced 8 hours of devout presence- I would not allow the “what ifs.” 

I broke down crying when I saw my husband, then made him leave, so I wouldn’t feel safe enough to cry anymore. I feared the crying would damage my face further. I could not yet face my broken face. The shock of the day was enough, the pain, the waiting were enough- I was at my limit. Seeing my face and confronting my new reality was beyond my current resources. So per my request, the nurses covered the mirror went I went to the bathroom and did my business.

A few days later,  I still was not quite ready to see my face. My husband would carefully lube my sutures, so I didn’t have to do it myself. Eventually, I began to suspect that my imagination was making things worse than the reality. So I looked. In a dark room, by candle at first. And that was it- all I could handle. And it was a relief because it was not as bad a I had feared. Usually, as it was in my case, once you face the fear- it loosens its grip. 

This is a basis for healing. Knowing what you can handle, facing it, then pushing just a little further. I often use the analogies of bringing it up to the surface,  laying it all out on the table or shining the light of awareness. When we don’t take the time to wonder-what are we not facing?  it can go unnoticed- because we’re so  busy just getting by.

So I challenge those of you who are ready If you want to level up. If you’re ready to do more than get by,  try asking yourself the question daily: “What have I been unwilling to face today?” And with whatever comes up, meet it with compassion- we don’t want to scare it back into hiding.